Trying to make it through

I haven't done this in a really long time. I've had some big changes in my life. I guess I decided to blog again cause I don't feel like I have someone I can just cry to about the things that are frustrating me. It's weird to think that typing up my feelings so that complete strangers to read would help, but it really kinda does. I guess that's why people write. So that they can vent and feel like they are being heard and understood even if its in the abstract.

I'm tired of feeling like the people in my life don't really want to be there. Not my family of course, but the other people that make up my circle. I'm tired of wondering if they are just humoring me. These feelings go back a long way, but lately it's been getting bad. I know it's because I'm letting it happen I just don't know how to stop it. I want to come first. Not in a selfish way, just in a couldn't someone call me first? Or come see me first? I don't know if I can ever remember a time that I truly felt like I was first. That someone thought of me before I thought of them. That is sad.

I have someone in my life that made a big change in her life a few months ago and at this point I don't know why. She made a life changing decision and now won't let that decision continue to change her life. I can't keep doing it for her, I know that, but how do you turn it off? How do I stop letting her decisions affect me so much? She's breaking my heart. I just don't know what to do anymore.